March 24, 2009
New Love
This family came along at the perfect time. Will was 4 weeks old when we had our session, and it was a great excuse for me to quit moping around with Scotch, put on something that didn't resemble pajamas and go have fun! I love watching new parents get to know their baby. It's crazy to think how much parents love their baby the first second they lay eyes on them...the I couldn't live without you for another second even though we've only just met love. And it doesn't matter how tired or bewildered anyone might be, that same wonderful, goose bumpy love always shines right through. And that's just what happened this day. While I got to watch theses parents beam at their new baby, Will posed for us like a perfectly sleepy 3 day old - though I'm sure he was thinking he was much too grown up for these shenanigans and why in the world did I keep taking off his diaper?
March 12, 2009
Darling Ava
Lately I've learned that the world waits for no one, but this sweet family certainly has been waiting a while for their sneak peek. So today I decided I should start being a productive person again and get back to work. There's nothing like staring at a sweet baby girl to cheer you up!
My Baby
Last Tuesday morning I woke up with Maddox pressed against my belly. These were my favorite mornings. Maddox preferred to sleep with his head under the bed, but every once in a while he stayed with me. He'd been there all night. Although my arm had fallen asleep hours ago, there I lay. Arms around him. My face pressed into his back. We finally made our way out of bed at our usual time of 8:45 and went for our morning walk. The boys have spent the last 3 years running free on a farm across the street from our house. It's a dog's paradise, full of lakes and creeks, cow poop and forgotten tennis balls, sticks galore and plenty of other dogs to sniff. As we set off, Maddox made his mean "I hate you because you're a dog on a leash and I was bitten by a dog on a leash, so you must be a bad dog" growl at the neighborhood bulldog. He got in the little dog's face and barked away. So I told Maddox that was very bad and put him on his leash. Scotch ran ahead of us, and as we walked together I thought, my dogs are so healthy. Nothing bad could ever happen to them. They'll live to be old, gray, lazy dogs. I truly believed this. At the end of the walk I let Maddox off his leash so he could sniff and be free and happy, and then we headed home.
A few hours later I finished an editing project that had been the bane of my existence for over a month. I was so excited to be finished and it had turned out to be such a nice day, I decided we should all go celebrate. I found Maddox asleep at the top of the stairs and told him to get his lazy butt up, we were going to play. I stuffed 3 tennis balls in my pockets, grabbed the chuckit, and we were off to the park. As soon as we hit the grass, I flung the chuckit to throw the first ball and Scotch took off. But the ball was stuck. It hadn't come out. Maddox knew - he was the smart one. So I said, "Come on boy, you go get this one," and I brought my arm back again and threw the ball. It was the first ball of the day. Maddox ran after it and as he leapt into the air to catch it, he let out a horrible yelp and collapsed to the ground. At that moment my world turned into a nightmare. For days after I tried to will myself to wake up. I was sure that it was just a bad dream, it wasn't real.
As he cried and writhed on the ground I tried to keep him still and screamed at the top of my lungs for help. We were alone in the park. Eventually strangers came out of their homes, Scotch was taken away, the vet was called, the car was driven into the park, and we were gone. I was in the backseat holding Maddox, trying to comfort him as a man I had never met before drove. The next 24 hours were filled with vets and x-rays, pain meds and sleepless nights, hope and tears, an MRI and then the room. You never want to be taken into the room. But that's what she did, and as we sat down she closed both doors. She was protecting the other people in the waiting room from the pain we were about to endure.
She said his prognosis was "horrible." He had an FCE, an embolus that had cut off the blood flow to his spinal cord that caused the paralysis of his hind legs. Most dogs do ok, but his injury was severe. A section of his spinal cord was dead and there was hemorrhaging around it. There was nothing they could do, no chance of recovery, and he could not live with this injury. We said we were taking him home.
For 3 days we didn't leave his side. We fed him filet mignon, his favorite treats, rubbed him, loved him, cried over him. We took care of his catheter, told him he was a good boy when he pooped. Tried to ease the blow of his lost dignity. A photographer came, neighbors came, friends came, flowers were delivered. There was hope of a cart, hope that they were wrong. There were second opinions, third opinions, research done. Thoughts that maybe we could make him happy, maybe we could be enough. Maddox would try to put on a brave face, give us a kiss when pressed, but other times he hid his face from us, panted anxiously, turned away from the toys he used to love. He let us know this was no life for a dog.
Saturday morning we let him rest by the fire. He hadn't slept more than an hour the night before. We stayed by his side, watched him, prayed. Later that afternoon it started snowing. It had been in the 60's for days, and it was snowing. So off we went. Jessie picked up his back end and we all walked to the park. We laid in the grass for hours. Maddox chewed sticks, let the snowflakes fall on his nose, we took pictures and tried to be grateful for that moment. We asked him what he would do that night. Would he go to the river, to the beach, would he finally catch a squirrel? When the sun started to set, Jessie picked up his back end again and let him wander in the grass. All he wanted to do was eat the sticks Scotch had been eating earlier. The sticks that had been beyond his reach. When we were ready to go inside, Maddox ran. We could hardly keep up with him, and every few seconds he looked back to make sure Jessie was still holding him up.
After another steak and half of a Woodchuck he was finally able to sleep. We laid down with him and told him the story of his life. We told him everything, all about his life in Nashville, San Diego, Memphis, and Boulder. We told him about all the friends he had made along the way. We told him every little thing we loved about him. As I laid there with his head in my lap, holding his paw, a woman came to free him from his broken body. He gave me one last kiss. We braced ourselves. Tried to be brave. Tried to breathe. We told him to fly, to have a fun ride, tell God we said hi. Told him to go to the river. Go lay in the sun and splash in the water. Told him we'd see him again. We told him we loved him over and over and over. Told him he was the best dog in the world. And then he was gone.
When she drove away with my Maddox I cried out - a sound I had never heard come out of me before. I collapsed in the driveway, snuggled contently next to someone's tire, and I waited patiently for the world to swallow me up and put me out of my misery.
Maddox was the best part of my day. He brought me more joy than anything in the world. He was my baby. My heart is broken. I want him to walk up, knock my hand off the mouse with his nose, put his paw in my hand and let me hold it the way he always did. I want him to nuzzle his nose in between my legs so I can rub his butt. I want him to crawl in my lap when I'm upset, smother me with his kisses. I want him to tell me that he's happy now. That we did the right thing. I want him to tell me how to find the grateful place in my heart. Because I really did have the best dog in the world.
A few hours later I finished an editing project that had been the bane of my existence for over a month. I was so excited to be finished and it had turned out to be such a nice day, I decided we should all go celebrate. I found Maddox asleep at the top of the stairs and told him to get his lazy butt up, we were going to play. I stuffed 3 tennis balls in my pockets, grabbed the chuckit, and we were off to the park. As soon as we hit the grass, I flung the chuckit to throw the first ball and Scotch took off. But the ball was stuck. It hadn't come out. Maddox knew - he was the smart one. So I said, "Come on boy, you go get this one," and I brought my arm back again and threw the ball. It was the first ball of the day. Maddox ran after it and as he leapt into the air to catch it, he let out a horrible yelp and collapsed to the ground. At that moment my world turned into a nightmare. For days after I tried to will myself to wake up. I was sure that it was just a bad dream, it wasn't real.
As he cried and writhed on the ground I tried to keep him still and screamed at the top of my lungs for help. We were alone in the park. Eventually strangers came out of their homes, Scotch was taken away, the vet was called, the car was driven into the park, and we were gone. I was in the backseat holding Maddox, trying to comfort him as a man I had never met before drove. The next 24 hours were filled with vets and x-rays, pain meds and sleepless nights, hope and tears, an MRI and then the room. You never want to be taken into the room. But that's what she did, and as we sat down she closed both doors. She was protecting the other people in the waiting room from the pain we were about to endure.
She said his prognosis was "horrible." He had an FCE, an embolus that had cut off the blood flow to his spinal cord that caused the paralysis of his hind legs. Most dogs do ok, but his injury was severe. A section of his spinal cord was dead and there was hemorrhaging around it. There was nothing they could do, no chance of recovery, and he could not live with this injury. We said we were taking him home.
For 3 days we didn't leave his side. We fed him filet mignon, his favorite treats, rubbed him, loved him, cried over him. We took care of his catheter, told him he was a good boy when he pooped. Tried to ease the blow of his lost dignity. A photographer came, neighbors came, friends came, flowers were delivered. There was hope of a cart, hope that they were wrong. There were second opinions, third opinions, research done. Thoughts that maybe we could make him happy, maybe we could be enough. Maddox would try to put on a brave face, give us a kiss when pressed, but other times he hid his face from us, panted anxiously, turned away from the toys he used to love. He let us know this was no life for a dog.
Saturday morning we let him rest by the fire. He hadn't slept more than an hour the night before. We stayed by his side, watched him, prayed. Later that afternoon it started snowing. It had been in the 60's for days, and it was snowing. So off we went. Jessie picked up his back end and we all walked to the park. We laid in the grass for hours. Maddox chewed sticks, let the snowflakes fall on his nose, we took pictures and tried to be grateful for that moment. We asked him what he would do that night. Would he go to the river, to the beach, would he finally catch a squirrel? When the sun started to set, Jessie picked up his back end again and let him wander in the grass. All he wanted to do was eat the sticks Scotch had been eating earlier. The sticks that had been beyond his reach. When we were ready to go inside, Maddox ran. We could hardly keep up with him, and every few seconds he looked back to make sure Jessie was still holding him up.
After another steak and half of a Woodchuck he was finally able to sleep. We laid down with him and told him the story of his life. We told him everything, all about his life in Nashville, San Diego, Memphis, and Boulder. We told him about all the friends he had made along the way. We told him every little thing we loved about him. As I laid there with his head in my lap, holding his paw, a woman came to free him from his broken body. He gave me one last kiss. We braced ourselves. Tried to be brave. Tried to breathe. We told him to fly, to have a fun ride, tell God we said hi. Told him to go to the river. Go lay in the sun and splash in the water. Told him we'd see him again. We told him we loved him over and over and over. Told him he was the best dog in the world. And then he was gone.
When she drove away with my Maddox I cried out - a sound I had never heard come out of me before. I collapsed in the driveway, snuggled contently next to someone's tire, and I waited patiently for the world to swallow me up and put me out of my misery.
Maddox was the best part of my day. He brought me more joy than anything in the world. He was my baby. My heart is broken. I want him to walk up, knock my hand off the mouse with his nose, put his paw in my hand and let me hold it the way he always did. I want him to nuzzle his nose in between my legs so I can rub his butt. I want him to crawl in my lap when I'm upset, smother me with his kisses. I want him to tell me that he's happy now. That we did the right thing. I want him to tell me how to find the grateful place in my heart. Because I really did have the best dog in the world.
March 2, 2009
Fun New Product
Say a quick hello or thank you in style! Five different designs available with custom color and text. These are perfect for family stationery or baby/wedding shower thank you's. Thanks Kate for the great idea. :) Stay tuned for her engagement pictures in June!
February 28, 2009
February 27, 2009
Little Mountain Man
Griffin is all boy. He knows about bears and rocks and trucks and dogs and poop. I'm sure he will be catching his first fish soon with his dad. Griffin is On.The.Go. and full of life. He is sooo cute with his little curls and eyelashes that are to die for I could just squeeze him and gobble him up. He is almost 2 and having a rocking bug party this weekend. I had a great time with you guys! Happy birthday little man!
Rechibadihorrisuck
It takes quite a word to sum up this week, so I had to go searching. If Webster's isn't cutting it for you, look here. I'll spare you the details behind the rechibadihorrisuckiness that was, but let's just say I found myself face down in a cup of tea this afternoon staring at my distorted face in the liquid and contemplating life.
On a brighter note, last week was much better, despite some household accidents. Last week I got to hang out with two very cool little boys. The first of which was Caleb. His mom Kim taught me just enough about graphic design to make me know I'd be better off just sticking to photography. :) We got to play with his red wagon, and his grandma read to him, and his mom gave his eskimo kisses, and we all made him giggle.
On a brighter note, last week was much better, despite some household accidents. Last week I got to hang out with two very cool little boys. The first of which was Caleb. His mom Kim taught me just enough about graphic design to make me know I'd be better off just sticking to photography. :) We got to play with his red wagon, and his grandma read to him, and his mom gave his eskimo kisses, and we all made him giggle.
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